According to a by CareerBuilder, 38% of us have called in sick to work when we were perfectly fine. (Present company excluded, of course.) Obviously a plausible excuse like a doctor’s appointment you scheduled months ago is desirable when you’ve got the urge to go AWOL. Reasons like being tired or stressed or bad weather? Less so. And maybe just using up a personal day makes more sense.

Medical Daily has put together a list of the 10 worst excuses employees have actually tried. You should probably scratch these off your list of possibilities right away.

1. Grandma poisoned me with ham

On one hand, at least she didn’t die. On the other hand, consider family counseling.

2. I’m stuck under the bed

SOURCE: instagram

Thank goodness your cell phone was nearby so you could call in.

3. My arm broke when I reached out too fast for a sandwich I dropped

Actually, my brother claimed to break his wrist reaching off his bed for a soda can, so maybe this is real. Or my brother lied.

4. The universe is telling me to take the day off

SOURCE: reddit.com

Oh, right, you’d argue with the universe?

5. I have to spend today retrieving all of my stuff from a dumpster

6. I have an injured eye …

SOURCE: giphy.com

That I poked by mistake while I was combing my hair.

7. I don’t have any clean underwear

I didn’t finish laundry.

8. My office potluck dish is a fail

SOURCE: mtv.com

I’m too embarrassed to show up.

9. I need more Vitamin D so I’m going to the beach instead

You believe in workplace wellness, right?

10. There’s a cat stuck inside my car’s dashboard so I have no way to get to work.

SOURCE: cats-pics.com

So I’m waiting for a vet? A tow truck? A crowbar? A dog?

Here’s something any dedicated liar quickly learns: either keep a lie simple so it’s easy to maintain, or better yet, don’t lie. It requires too much effort. It’s much easier to just to go to work.

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